is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i think i have two assholes
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
