I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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