I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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