"it" just moved
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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