I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
