we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
