See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
