She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
