I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
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