So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
