Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
