Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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