Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
