I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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