Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Randomize
