If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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