There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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