Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
