And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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