is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
