you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
