How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
