Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
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you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
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There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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