Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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