I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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