I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
