So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
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I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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