I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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