Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
