when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
