So drunk, too bad you don't want this
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
