HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
