I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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