Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
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