Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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