apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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