They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Terrible idea I love it
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
