I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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