Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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