Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
