My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
