Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
