I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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