Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize