Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
