I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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