Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I supernannyed him into submission
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
