Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
