I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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