I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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