Only a mothe r could love this liver
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
