Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
