this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
