Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
