and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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