"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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