Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
