Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize