having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
